Heartache (contains some shounen ai)
by Petrified
Summary: Nuriko pours his heart out to...


Heartache 

by Emerald

* * *

_Disclaimers: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters are owned by Watase Yuu and some other company. Just wanna make it clear that it does not belong to me in any way._

_Warnings: This fic contains mild spoilers for episode 21, especially. It also contains shounen ai._

_***_

_A bright red light. The emperor of Konan rose from the water carrying the Suzaku no Miko, saved her and embracing her for all she's worth. Such a picture perfect couple. Like a fairy tale come true. Now if only the one that Hotohori-sama's carrying sported purple hair and a mole, then..._

Nuriko sighed as he leaned against the railing. He couldn't help but dream and long for such romance to happen in his life. He grinned. He would gladly jump into the river only to be rescued by the Emperor. What he wouldn't give to be in the arms of his love...

The seishi snapped out of his reverie as the object of his thoughts appeared at the corner. Dressed in simple white robes, His Majesty still sparkled beauty as he walked regally towards the violet-haired seishi.

Nuriko bowed slightly.

"Are you alright, your Highness?" 

"Yes, Nuriko. Thank you." Hotohori answered in equal politeness. " Ne, Nuriko, stop being so formal with me.", the emperor smiled, " We're both Suzaku seishis, and... well -- you're my friend now, eh?"

Nuriko nodded shyly, though inwardly grimacing at the word _friend_. 

_That's all he thinks of me. Friend. Baka! Well, what do you expect? You should be contented, you idiot._

"Nuriko? Is something wrong?" asked Hotohori, giving the fellow seishi a puzzled look.

"Ah...n-no."

Hotohori turned his gaze back up the night sky and closed his eyes. No one talked for a few moments. The Emperor was silently enjoying the night breeze and Nuriko was content to obseve the handsome features of Konan's ruler.

_He's so beautiful-- and kind, and generous, and brave..._

Nuriko laughed inwardly at his string of thoughts but was quickly replaced by a sudden feeling of sadness and uncertainty.

_Is there really no hope for my love? Can't he really love me? Should I stop hoping and --?_

Nuriko trailed off those thoughts. There really was no point in pondering about all these, as if he would know the answer. No, the only way to know is to --- ask --- Hotohori himself. 

_That's ridiculous! No way I'm gonna do it. Then again, maybe there is another way... perhaps a less direct approach. Hmm...worth a try._

Taking a deep breath, Nuriko prepared tp speak and braced himself for what was about to be the answer that could change his life.

Grinning, Nuriko faced Hotohori, a playful look on his face.

"Eh, Hotohori-sama, would you have saved me if I were the one drowning?" Nuriko then showed a teasing facade to conceal his nervousness. He could not control the blushing, however.

His Majesty stared at his companion for a few seconds, one eyebrow raised, then smiled.

" You would never do such a thing, Nuriko."

_So much for the subtle approach..._

" No, really, Heika-sama...would you?" Hotohori turned to look at his fellow seishi, slightly perplexed at the sudden change in tone. Nuriko sounded quite...serious. 

Then it dawned on him. A sudden realization of what was really behind Nuriko's question. 

Silence reigned, except for Nuriko's heart pounding wildly in his own ears.

" Nuriko...I'm sorry." Hotohori held Nuriko's shoulders and looked at the seishi's face, "I love Miaka, and -- I don't think I could love anyone else and as Emperor --- it is my duty to marry and produce an heir..." He trailed off, seeing the downcast eyes of the purple-haired seishi, but continued to hold on to him. " Just forget your love for me, Nuriko...."

Nuriko stifled a small laugh, eyes still not meeting the emperor.

" I couldn't do that. You learned it yourself, Hotohori-sama: 'A person's heart cannot be moved by orders.'. Oyasumi nasai, Your Majesty." He bowed and walked quickly towards his quarters.

" Nuriko, I....". Hotohori sighed as his eyes followed the seishi's swiftly retreating form.

***

_There really is no hope after all. Damn! Maybe I should not have asked him. Maybe it would have been better that ---_

CRASH!!!

"ACK! Nuriko, wha-?!" The flame-haired bandit managed to control himself from spewing insults as he saw tears drop from his friend, eyes still downcast. " Hey, Nuriko, you okay?"

" H-hai...g-gomen nasai, Tasuki. I-I have to go." With that, he gathered up his skirts and sped to the solace of his room, leaving a messy and very baffled bandit behind.

***

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

" Nuriko?"

" Please go away, Tasuki." The answer was barely a whisper, but loud enough to be audible.

" Nuriko, onegai. Let me in." Tasuki added softly, " Maybe I can help you."

" No one can help me...." He then broke down into sobs.

" K'so..." Tasuki could hear the muffled cries of his fellow seishi. Without waiting for Nuriko's consent, he entered the room --- and found a weeping Nuriko sitting by the windowsill, who looked up at his visitor. 

" What's wrong?"

" H-Hotohori..." he began, " Hotohori d-doesn't l-love me..." He began to cry again, body wracked by sobs.

Genrou put his hand on his fellow seishi's back, rubbing small circles against the silk fabric, comforting him. He could not think of anything to say, so he just held his friend, letting him feel that he is not alone, he just hoped it was working.

Nuriko's hands clenched into fists as tears flowed freely down his eyes. Everything in the room was silent, except for the occassional sniffles of the purpled-haired seishi which soon died down to the stillness of the night.

" Arigatou, Gen-chan. I really appreciate this. I'm sorry for disturbing you." Nuriko managed a wistful smile.

Tasuki just shook his head. " There's no need for apologies. Now, would you care elaborating on what this is all about?" The bandit crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his foot, waiting.

Nuriko sighed in resignation, his energy seem to be drained to argue further about privacy with the fanged seishi, moreover trying to be stubborn to remain silent would be useless, considering Tasuki's persistence. 

He related the earlier incident with the Emperor, into which the bandit proved to be capable of keeping quiet once in a while.

" I hate this life!" Nuriko remarked after the narration, causing Tasuki to look up at the purple-haired seishi. " I-I hate myself for loving a man...an Emperor no less...who - who doesn't love me back..."

He couldn't cry anymore, so he just slumped down, weakened. "Isn't it ironic, though," Nuriko laughed mockingly at himself, " I love Hotohori. Hotohori loves Miaka. Miaka loves Tamahome and Tamahome loves Miaka as well. In this love rectangle I'm in, everybody is loved by someone ---- except me."

"Now, now, Nuriko." Tasuki reprimanded softly.

"Eh, Tasuki, you don't have to feel sorry for me." The seishi grinned widely, waving off his responses, "I'm used to this. Until now, nobody really took me seriously, ne? I am just a freak who dresses like a woman and goes after another man, begging for attention. No one even bothered to ask...why?"

"N-Nuriko...I - we...", the orange-haired bandit stuttered to contest.

"Everybody feels sorry for Hotohori." Nuriko continued softly, turning his back on Tasuki. "Me, just because I always seem so happy and smiling doesn't mean I'm not hurt. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings, that my love is not real. Me... I don't even have anyone's sympathy...."

Tasuki just stared at his friend, eyes blurry, blocked by somewhat like tears threatening to fall any second. Waves of guilt and remorse enveloped his whole being. And to think that he called himself a friend, when he was one of the main persons who would always tease him, calling him "gay-boy" without giving any thought on how he might be hurting him.

The slim form laughed a small laugh beneath the shadows, "I'm pathetic, ne? Feeling sorry for myself, why I --..." He was cut off as he felt Genrou's arms around him, hugging him from his back. The heat of the bandit's body and the shock from the embrace caused Nuriko to gasp for air.

"Tasuki-chan?"

" I- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Nuriko!" The bandit almost shouted, eyes shut, arms tightening around the seishi's waist, body wracking with sobs.

"Shhh... it's alright, Gen-chan." He loosened his friend's hold on him and turned to face the other seishi, pouting. " Hey, I'm the one who's supposed to be crying here!", he added in a teasing tone.

Genrou hastily wiped the tears, trying to regain his composure, as he looked up Nuriko's forgiving face.

" I'll always be here for you, Nuriko. I promise."

" Don't make promises you can't keep, Gen-chan." Nuriko whispered, eyes downcast.

Tasuki gently tipped the other seishi's chin up, looking at him in the eye. " I intend to live up to that promise, Nuriko. I mean it."

Nuriko smiled. "Arigatou, Tasuki-chan. Arigatou."

-Owari-

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